Svetlana Thursday: Not cool with photographic evidence

Dear Svetty's Fan Club,

I apologize for her recent absence. Shit happens. Deal.

Ha! No really, I have a life, get busy, forget to post. But she's back and ready to share her adventures! And just to keep you engaged, I will let you know that she might have some summertime adventures in the planning stages. That's what we in the biz call a "teaser". Stay tuned....


1/11/11
From: svetlanastravels@gmail.com
To: kappellj@uncw.edu
Subject: Walkie-talkies!!!

Dear Jon,

I hope you enjoyed my recap of the holiday break. It was a truly glorious time, but now that I'm back on campus I'm running into some issues. First of all, I'm not so sure this whole roommate thing is working out. One of my roommates insists on smoking in the suite. I mean seriously, that is so 1988. Who even smokes anymore? The cool celebrities don't even do it, just skanks like LiLo. Anyways, I pointed out to her that there are very discreet smoking receptacles outside the dorm (photo confiscated by HRL), but she refused to listen and even ripped off my hat and threw it across the room! The nerve! That hat is essential to the magic of my outfit! I really tried to resolve the issue myself, but had to go talk to Lindsey about it (photo confiscated by HRL - seriously). We're working on a resolution, but geez, I don't know. After this experience, I'm not sure that being in on campus housing is for me. Also they are just not cool with photographic evidence. Hmmm.

Anyways, due to all the second hand smoke, I developed a nasty cough and went to the health center. I didn't realize they had a pharmacy there.

While I'm sure this is great for students, it's not so great for recovering prescription drug addicts like myself (wouldn't know it to look at me, would you?). As a pre-emptive strike I went across the hall to Crossroads to pick up some literature on the subject.

 It was super helpful and even suggested finding other things to fill your time so you're not tempted to use. That suggestion reminded me of my quest - finding my place in Student Affairs!

My next stop was to the Info Desk. There are so many fun people that work there and they get to use walkie-talkies!!! The elves at the North Pole had some and had to rip them out of my hands as Randy and I made our exit. What better way to be reunited with my favorite form of technology? It was so much fun, but I think Curtis got really tired of me telling him jokes over the walkies. They took away my privileges finally. Oh well, the search continues.....

Til then,

Svetty

Svetlana Thursday: Elf Yourself

1/4/2011
To: kappellj@uncw.edu
From: svetlanastravels@gmail.com
Subject: What a holiday!

Dear Jon,


I apologize for the radio silence, but the most amazing thing happened. After realizing that this place DIES around the holidays, Randy the Reindeer and I decided to take off as well and went to find our homeland. That's right - we went to the North Pole. Clearly, Santa was a little busy, but we got to hang out with the elves and Randy got to meet some of his extended family. They were pretty impressed with his microphone. The elves were pretty tied up until the 24th, but after they were done with all those toys they threw a huge party! You wouldn't think it to look at them, but they get ridiculous. They might even party than all you Student Affairs people. Might. 
Anyways, they taught Randy and I this great dance! Check it out!

(ed. note: there should be a link here to elf yourself, but those little buggers already took it down! Bah!)
Needless to say, we had a great time. Randy and I might have shared a moment under the mistletoe and we are exploring what that means for our relationship. It's progressing quickly, but I think it's safe to say that there are bright days ahead. Don't worry, he's keeping his antlers to himself for now. I also have a new place to stay! I ran into Phil and Lindsey McDaniel and they told me about an opening in the Crossing*. Seems like a roommate conflict went south and one of the suites has an open bed. The girls want to do a makeover, but I told them to keep their hands off, this outfit got me to where I am today. 


Well, it seems like people around here are starting to get to work, as will I. My journey continues, but never fear, I will be in touch.


Love, Svetty


*The Crossing is a residence hall on campus

Svetlana Thursday: Art is weird

Well friends, it's Thursday, heralding the return of that saucy minx Svetlana and her continuing adventures around my workplace. Feel free to review her last two posts here and here as a reminder of her journey up to now, if necessary. Another thing to keep in mind: Jon, who actually won Svetlana in the gift exchange and is the recipient of these emails, has no idea that I'm the one sending the emails. I'm also cc'ing multiple work friends on these emails as it is providing much needed entertainment during our slow period at work.




12/21/10
From: Svetlana <svetlanastravels@gmail.com>
To: kappellj@uncw.edu
Subject: The adventure continues.....


Hi Jon,


Man, those Student Affairs people really love their happy hour. Happy hour turned into happy night for Svetty! Which then turned into not so happy morning. So I got off to a late start, but have learned a lot so far and made some significant changes since we last spoke. I think I mentioned yesterday that I heard some conspicuous changing down a loooooong hallway. Come to find out, it was Andrea Dorow, practicing a new cheer for the Orientation leaders. 

Even though they've chosen this year's team already, I suggested that they might need a mascot. Maybe that could be my new role in the division! I could go to SROW and see more of the country and even do a session during Orientation on the importance of dressing for the holidays (never forget the hat - so important). She said she's consider it, but that I will of course need to go through the proper selection process. She is one tough cookie. She suggested I start in the Career Center and get a resume critique.

See what I did here? So sneaky. 

So I went and met with Sarah and we went over my previous experience including, but not limited to, watch dog, annoyer of Frank, alternative holiday fashion model, and grocery bagger. Sarah said that it would be a challenge, but we could surely pull some transferable skills out of that and make a pretty great resume. 


On my way out of the Union I wanted to stop by the Boseman Gallery, but was sadly rebuffed by the locked door and intimidating rope. 

Not exactly sure what I missed, but it looks like some kind of giant wormy thing made out of toilet paper. Art is weird.


Finally, thank you for your kind note. I'm happy that I have your support in my adventures. I just ask that you be patient and let me find my own way. And don't worry about the reindeer (Randy is his name), I've got it under control. He's wrapped around my little finger, or mitten I guess.


Happy Trails!

Svetty


While Svetty is sticking to her plan for now, I have a feeling things are about to take a turn for our foliage-carrying friend. Tune in next week for the continuing adventures of Svetlana!

Svetlana Thursday: First Stop

I had every intention of posting on another topic before Svetlana Thursday rolled around again, but my prime blogging time (M-F, 8-5) was consumed by actual work. Crazy, I know. Anywho, onto the continuing adventures of Svetlana. A little bit of context: I work at a university in Student Affairs, which basically includes anything that students are involved with or affect them at the university outside of academics. At this point, Svetlana's mission is to find a suitable area for her skills and talents within the Division of Student Affairs and have a little fun along the way.


12/20/10
From: svetlanastravels@gmail.com
To: kappellj@uncw.edu
Subject: First stop
Dear Jon,


So I decided to start my journey in Alderman Hall with my old friend, Ann Glossl.

I'll be honest, I was a little pissed she threw me to the proverbial wolves and auctioned me off to the highest bidder, but I was tired of Frank* looking at me and just sighing and shaking his head all the time. What? He's never seen a dog in a hat? Anyways, I figured she was as good a source as any about other places to go in the division. Being the consummate student affairs professional that she is, she suggested I visit other offices and try to find ways to get involved. 


So my next stop was in CLES where I met with Donna about community service opportunities.

They sure do have a lot of toys in their office. More importantly, while I was there I made my first friend. This reindeer guy was super cute and sang me a song.

I love a man who can sing. And has antlers. We're gonna hang out later and maybe take it to the next level. I'll keep you updated, as I'm sure you'll want to know every detail. 


I was getting hungry and seriously considering a seafood lunch when I heard this weird chanting down the hallway.....

Ooops! Gotta run! Have to freshen up for happy hour. Polish my boots, spruce up the foliage, lint roll my hat, you know, the usual. 

Til next time,

Svetty

12/21/10
From: kappellj@uncw.edu
To: svetlanastravels@gmail.com
Subject: RE: First stop


Dearest Svetty,


You sound like you are having a wonderful adventure out in that big world of Student Affairs. Thank you for sending me pictures so I get to partake in your travels. Remember to cook the fish before you eat them....unless you like sushi. And as far as that reindeer guy...if he gets out of hand, you just let me know and I will make sausage out of him.


What was that chanting you heard? Hopefully not a group of wild dog-wearing-hat eaters. Keep me posted on your travels and I look forward to hearing more about your adventures!


Jon


*Frank is Ann's husband, who dreads the day every holiday season when Ann would pull Svetlana out of storage and place her on his desk at home. When the white elephant exchange came up this year he was more than happy to part with Svetlana for the good (and entertainment) of the division.


I know that you are on the edge of your seats to find out what happens next. What do Student Affairs people do at happy hour? Did Svetty and the reindeer make a love connection? What was that chanting coming from down the hall? All of these questions will be addressed and new ones will undoubtedly be raised....next week. 

Svetlana Thursday: The Backstory

So things are getting a little too serious around here, which means it's time for the unveiling of Svetlana. No, Svetlana is not my fishnet-wearing, burlesque-dancing, hula-hooping altar ego, although that would be interesting.  She is, to be completely direct, a stuffed dog dressed in Christmas-wear who can stand on two legs and carries an impressive amount of foliage while wearing a jaunty little hat. For those of you are thinking that I finally went over the proverbial edge, a little backstory.

I work at a university in the Division of Student Affairs, a generally happy environment with the occasional holiday merriment. Our annual holiday social last year included a white elephant gift exchange (also commonly known as yankee swap, bad santa, etc.). Basic gist - find some craptastic item from your house that you no longer care for or never did and pawn it off on some unsuspecting schlub you work with. Typically, the best of these gifts are either completely random, somewhat sexual in nature, or so completely random that you wonder who thought to create such a product in the first place.

Svetlana falls in the last category. I immediately spotted her on the table of gifts and started strategizing about how to claim her for my own. I imagined that she would become something of a mascot, creepily greeting students as they walk into my office. Long story short, it was not meant to be. Another coworker managed to snag her before I got the chance through a highly biased version of white elephant. I was crushed, yet determined. Jon, the coworker who now had ownership of Svetlana, proudly marched her back to his office where she stood at the front desk creepily greeting students at the campus activities (CAIC) desk.

Svetlana respecting all cultures during this holiday season.

I immediately started plotting a kidnapping expedition and managed to wrangle some help from Jon's coworkers who were more than happy to send Svetlana on an adventure far far away from their front desk. Luckily, Jon was headed out of town early for the Christmas holiday, giving me the perfect opportunity to enact my plan. I stealthily whisked Svetlana to my office and set up a gmail account for her where she immediately started sending Jon messages (CC'd to all of her [my] friends in the division of course). What follows can only be explained by the extreme boredom of students abandoning campus and a career counselor with an overactive imagination.

12/20/2010
Subject: I'm sorry to report
From: svetlanastravels@gmail.com
To: kappellj@uncw.edu

Dear Jon,

I have flown the coop! Exited the building! Made like a tree and left, leaved? leafed?, you know what I mean. I just couldn't stand sitting up on that counter anymore taking in all the ridicule about my outfit and especially my hat. I just don't think CAIC is the right place for me and will therefore begin my journey through the division to find a more suitable home. I know that many will want to take me in based on the outstanding reception I received at the holiday function the other day. Don't feel guilty Jon. You did what you could. But it's just not going to work out. However, I will keep you informed of my journey since you were kind enough to grace me with a name (and then change it). By the way, Sasha sounds like the name of a drunk ice dancer. We're going with Svetlana. Take note.

I hope you have a happy holiday. I know I will. :)

Svetlana

That's all you get today my friends. Check back next Thursday for the continuing adventures of Svetlana!