George knew his shit.

Jenn and I made took a trip to Philadelphia last week to visit my mom, see the sights and go to the Glee! concert. It was a quick three days filled with so many special (and by special I mean "special" as in "at least you're pretty/handsome/cute/have cute shoes cause you don't have much else") people, lots of belting in the car to and from RDU, libations (that's what they call drinky-drinks in Philly), sweating, shopping, mosaics, and even a little bit of history. I realize that the least intriguing topic on this list for most would be history, but y'all gonna have to suck it up cause that's what I'm talking about.


While visiting the gift shop of the Betsy Ross House (naturally we took a pic of the house and then didn't want to pay the $4 admission fee - we had to buy libations!) I found the most amazing tiny red book hiding in a corner while stalling for time to dry out from the tiny waterfalls of sweat rolling down my back. It's called:

GEORGE 

WASHINGTON'S 

Rules 

of 

Civility

 & 

Decent Behaviour 

IN COMPANY AND CONVERSATION

That is pretty darn close to what the typeface on the cover of this book looks like. I died laughing at the title and immediately dove in (also still stalling for time to literally stand on an AC vent). According to the short intro, a 14-year old G Dubs wrote down these 110 rules that are based off a French book of maxims and "were intended to polish manners, keep alive the best affections of the heart, impress the obligation of moral virtues, teach how to treat others in social relations, and above all, inculcate the practice of a perfect self-control." Clearly, something we can all use. Therefore, I've decided to reproduce my personal favorites here, along with my own interpretations. Enjoy.

2nd: When in company, put not your hands to any part of the body, not usually discovered.

Now, I'm not sure if George meant your own body, someone else's body, or what. But regardless, if you've already discovered said "parts" then I guess it's ok. 

3rd: Show nothing to your friend that may affright him.

I'm pretty sure this is an addendum to #2.

6th: Sleep not when others speak, sit not when others stand, speak not when you should hold your peace, walk not on when others stop.

I saw a great metal sign in a cool little shop the other day that summarizes this nicely: "BE FUCKING POLITE."

7th: Put not off your clothes in the presence of others, nor go out your chamber half dressed.

You and I both know that we've all had those roommates. (If any of my former roommates are reading this, it's definitely not you. Totally someone else)

9th: Spit not in the fire, nor stoop low before it. Neither put your hands into the flames to warm them, nor set your feet upon the fire, especially if there be meat before it.

I quite agree that feet meat just does not sound appetizing. Nor does meat off the street. It always causes some type of digestive ailment as my good friend Joel continually found out in Tallahassee, which is why we had to make the rule No Meat Off the Street.

15th: Keep your nails clean and short, also your hands and teeth clean, yet without showing any great concern for them.

I take this to mean look damn good, know that you look damn good, but don't let others know that you know that you look damn good.

20th: The gestures of the body must be suited to the discourse you are upon.

Control your nonverbals. I have many friends with this issue, particularly Jenn (love you! but it's true), but I also have to admit that I struggle with it myself as evidenced by this staff photo that has been cropped to protect the identity of the person I'm apparently glaring at. 

We didn't use this one on the website. Just so you know.

24th: Do not laugh too much or too loud in public.

Do NOT agree sir. I quite enjoy laughing a lot in public and very loudly if the occasion calls for it. And anyone that has ever heard my friend Phil McDaniel's laugh will absolutely agree. If I had an audio file of it I would post it for you. Then again, if I had an audio file of Phil's laugh, that would just be weird and awkward.

35th: Let your discourse with men of business be short and comprehensive.

Could not agree more. Men of business are not to be tolerated for long.

38th: In visiting the sick, do not presently play the physician if you be not knowing therein.

This also applies to diagnosing yourself or others with webMD, Annahita, OR offering friends questionable medical advice such as forgoing stitches and just super-gluing the gaping gash in your leg back together or draining your bruised fingernail with a hunting knife.... Adam.

47th: If you deliver anything witty and pleasant, abstain from laughing thereat yourself.

Then what, pray tell, is the point of blogging?

50th: Be not hasty to believe flying reports to the disparagement of any.

Aka, quit reading USWeekly, In Touch, tmz.com, Star, celebitchy.com, I could go on and on......and I'll tell you - just not happening.

54th: Play not the peacock, looking everywhere about you, to see if you be well decked, if your shoes fit well, if your stockings sit neatly, and clothes handsomely. 

Who knew George here coined the term peacocking? 

89th: Speak not evil of the absent, for it is unjust.

But if they're present, then it's ok.

99th: Drink not too leisurely, nor yet too hasty.

It is SO hard to balance that fine line of charmingly tipsy and obnoxiously drunk. I'm so glad George gets it!

110th: Labour to keep alive in your breast that little celestial fire called conscience. 

If only George, if only.