Oscar Coverage 2011: All In the Name of a Good Cause

The time has to come to chastise those celebrities who thought they were bringing it, yet are sorely mistaken. Before we embark on this journey of fashion missteps I have to acknowledge the dramatic differences in people's opinions on this year's Oscar fashion - not only amongst the fashion bloggers and "experts", but amongst friends as well. My friend Grace writes an amazing blog (you should seriously check it out) and recently posted her best and worst dressed. We agree completely on some of the stars' looks and not so much on others. My friend Liz and I have the same 50/50 thing going on with our faves as well. It just goes to show that fashion is subjective and individual. I think that's what makes it fun. So as much as I will criticize and snark and almost combust about the following, just know that I recognize individual style is just that - individual.

On to the shit show!

 

I absolutely love Florence + the Machine. My friend Greg introduced me to them over a year ago and I felt very smug for knowing about them long before they broke through in 2010 with the song Dog Days Are Over. Florence Welch has an incredible voice, but the same cannot be said for her dishwater-hued dress. If only it had puff sleeves, Anne Shirley would be all over this biotch. And I'm just not sure you want to be basing your Oscar debut on the fashion sense of a fictional Canadian teenager from the early 1900's.

 

As promised, my take on the necklace of doom. UNNECESSARY, DISTRACTING, AND BUTT UGLY AND I DON'T CARE HOW BIG OF AN EMERALD IT IS. That's all.

I actually quite enjoyed Anne Hathaway's many wardrobe changes throughout the evening and shared my favorite yesterday. These, not so much. The red carpet look was a fab color on her, but no girl, I don't care how thin you are, wants to add volume to the butt/thigh area. It just doesn't do anything for her and I would argue that without the extraneous material this might actually be a winner (and I pretty much put my money where my mouth is by including Sandra Bullock's dress on the best list, which is essentially this dress without the poof). 

The black layered taffeta monstrosity was just that - a black layered taffeta monstrosity. I'm fairly certain a little gnome named Frederick could live under there.

Oh the blue dress. A lovely color on her, to be sure, but when you look like you wrapped a Slip N' Slide around your tiny self and secured it with industrial strength straight pins, no one is happy. Except maybe those lucky bastards who live in a climate warm enough to use a Slip N' Slide right now.

 

As discussed at length at my Oscar party, Halle Berry is unbelievably gorgeous, never ages, and may very likely have magical powers related to her youthful beauty. From the waist up - I love. From the waist down I am reminded of my bedside table that was recently covered in used tissues whilst I was recovering from a nasty head cold.

 

Oh Marisa, such a pretty girl in such a poofy, stomach-pooch creating, overly dramatic sweetheart necklining, wrinkly, wide-strapped, asymmetrical dress.  Also, as my mom would say, get your hair out of your face.

 

Another piece of commentary from the Oscar Party - Nicole looks like she spilled something on her dress at dinner and grabbed the table runner and wrapped it around herself to cover the stain. Excellent description Kara, couldn't have said it better myself. 

This is gold lame covered in a doily like fabric. Let me repeat. Gold. Lame. It is 2011. Gold lame has it's place these days - namely a 1970's Roller Disco party in which the gold lame is worn with a certain sense of nostalgic irony. I don't believe Melissa Leo here was trying to be nostalgic or ironic. 

 

ScarJo here can't act her way out of a paper bag these days, but I will admit that she is one of the most beautiful actresses in Hollywood in my opinion and I like her even more now that she's retracted her claws from Ryan Reynolds so he can be my boyfriend. (Although if he is dating Sandra Bullock like the rags insist, I'm totally ok with that because I love her and love them together and love the Proposal and want that to be real life - sorry, tangent). However, I do not like the purple lace dress that does nothing for the cleave and the matchy-matchy eye shadow that manages to wash out her entire face. On the other hand, I do love her hair, SCANDALOUS, I KNOW. But I think it's fun and kind of flippy, casual. It just doesn't go with the look she's trying to pull off here, which really, she shouldn't be trying to pull off in the first place, you follow?

 

At least the Black Swan bit it for a good cause.