George knew his shit.

Jenn and I made took a trip to Philadelphia last week to visit my mom, see the sights and go to the Glee! concert. It was a quick three days filled with so many special (and by special I mean "special" as in "at least you're pretty/handsome/cute/have cute shoes cause you don't have much else") people, lots of belting in the car to and from RDU, libations (that's what they call drinky-drinks in Philly), sweating, shopping, mosaics, and even a little bit of history. I realize that the least intriguing topic on this list for most would be history, but y'all gonna have to suck it up cause that's what I'm talking about.


While visiting the gift shop of the Betsy Ross House (naturally we took a pic of the house and then didn't want to pay the $4 admission fee - we had to buy libations!) I found the most amazing tiny red book hiding in a corner while stalling for time to dry out from the tiny waterfalls of sweat rolling down my back. It's called:

GEORGE 

WASHINGTON'S 

Rules 

of 

Civility

 & 

Decent Behaviour 

IN COMPANY AND CONVERSATION

That is pretty darn close to what the typeface on the cover of this book looks like. I died laughing at the title and immediately dove in (also still stalling for time to literally stand on an AC vent). According to the short intro, a 14-year old G Dubs wrote down these 110 rules that are based off a French book of maxims and "were intended to polish manners, keep alive the best affections of the heart, impress the obligation of moral virtues, teach how to treat others in social relations, and above all, inculcate the practice of a perfect self-control." Clearly, something we can all use. Therefore, I've decided to reproduce my personal favorites here, along with my own interpretations. Enjoy.

2nd: When in company, put not your hands to any part of the body, not usually discovered.

Now, I'm not sure if George meant your own body, someone else's body, or what. But regardless, if you've already discovered said "parts" then I guess it's ok. 

3rd: Show nothing to your friend that may affright him.

I'm pretty sure this is an addendum to #2.

6th: Sleep not when others speak, sit not when others stand, speak not when you should hold your peace, walk not on when others stop.

I saw a great metal sign in a cool little shop the other day that summarizes this nicely: "BE FUCKING POLITE."

7th: Put not off your clothes in the presence of others, nor go out your chamber half dressed.

You and I both know that we've all had those roommates. (If any of my former roommates are reading this, it's definitely not you. Totally someone else)

9th: Spit not in the fire, nor stoop low before it. Neither put your hands into the flames to warm them, nor set your feet upon the fire, especially if there be meat before it.

I quite agree that feet meat just does not sound appetizing. Nor does meat off the street. It always causes some type of digestive ailment as my good friend Joel continually found out in Tallahassee, which is why we had to make the rule No Meat Off the Street.

15th: Keep your nails clean and short, also your hands and teeth clean, yet without showing any great concern for them.

I take this to mean look damn good, know that you look damn good, but don't let others know that you know that you look damn good.

20th: The gestures of the body must be suited to the discourse you are upon.

Control your nonverbals. I have many friends with this issue, particularly Jenn (love you! but it's true), but I also have to admit that I struggle with it myself as evidenced by this staff photo that has been cropped to protect the identity of the person I'm apparently glaring at. 

We didn't use this one on the website. Just so you know.

24th: Do not laugh too much or too loud in public.

Do NOT agree sir. I quite enjoy laughing a lot in public and very loudly if the occasion calls for it. And anyone that has ever heard my friend Phil McDaniel's laugh will absolutely agree. If I had an audio file of it I would post it for you. Then again, if I had an audio file of Phil's laugh, that would just be weird and awkward.

35th: Let your discourse with men of business be short and comprehensive.

Could not agree more. Men of business are not to be tolerated for long.

38th: In visiting the sick, do not presently play the physician if you be not knowing therein.

This also applies to diagnosing yourself or others with webMD, Annahita, OR offering friends questionable medical advice such as forgoing stitches and just super-gluing the gaping gash in your leg back together or draining your bruised fingernail with a hunting knife.... Adam.

47th: If you deliver anything witty and pleasant, abstain from laughing thereat yourself.

Then what, pray tell, is the point of blogging?

50th: Be not hasty to believe flying reports to the disparagement of any.

Aka, quit reading USWeekly, In Touch, tmz.com, Star, celebitchy.com, I could go on and on......and I'll tell you - just not happening.

54th: Play not the peacock, looking everywhere about you, to see if you be well decked, if your shoes fit well, if your stockings sit neatly, and clothes handsomely. 

Who knew George here coined the term peacocking? 

89th: Speak not evil of the absent, for it is unjust.

But if they're present, then it's ok.

99th: Drink not too leisurely, nor yet too hasty.

It is SO hard to balance that fine line of charmingly tipsy and obnoxiously drunk. I'm so glad George gets it!

110th: Labour to keep alive in your breast that little celestial fire called conscience. 

If only George, if only.

Why do they call it a carry-on if you can't carry it on?!

I love to travel. Luckily, I have friends all over the country, and world for that matter, who still enjoy my company and indulge my need to get the hell out of dodge every once in a while. I quite enjoy a good road trip, particularly when it involves a marathon sing-a-long in the car, but a lot of times my destination is just too far to drive. Enter the dreaded airlines and that great American tradition of complaining about them. The airlines have their faults, and many of them. I will be one of the first to bitch, moan, and raise a stink about the things they do wrong, but the reality is I can't get to where I'm going half the time without them. I recently took a trip where I was moved to make some observations about the joys of air travel and all that comes along with such a pleasure. Enjoy.

1. Middle-aged men inexplicably using a rolling backpacks, particularly one with the High School Musical 3 logo embroidered largely onto it.
2. Baggage handlers, who make you wish you had paid the $25 to check a bag, taking their sweet ass time getting your "carry on" from under the plane while you stand outside on the tarmac, tapping your foot, about to have a coniption because you have 30 minutes to sprint across the Charlotte airport in 4 inch wedges (what? they're too big to fit in the "carry on" and they're cute) to make your connection. 
3. Discovering that you have the same literary tastes as the 13 year old sitting next to you (I still contend that the Hunger Games is a great series. I don't care if it's YA).
4. Moving sidewalks that don't move is one of life's great ironies.
5. The questionable clothing choices some people make when traveling (notice I said clothing choices, not shoes, I don't want to hear it about my wedges). Is there a discoteque in Terminal C that I don't know about?
6. The gentle hum of a plane in flight that lulls me into the deepest of slumbers - and gives me the most fucked up dreams you can imagine. It's incredible the things my subconscious comes up with at 30,000 feet. 
7. Reading seriously awful, yet incredibly entertaining celebrity tabloids (USWeekly, Star, InTouch, OK!) and then leaving them at the gate for some other weary traveler to discover with glee.
8. Watching a really cute guy walk down the aisle, thinking maybe this time, maybe this time, only to have him pass by while Grandma, Chatty Cathy, Big Sweaty Guy or Screaming Three Year Old settles in next to you. (Or in my case last weekend - Still Drunk Guy. Swear to God he was sweating tequila)
9. Wearing multiple layers in preparation to either bundle up or strip down depending on the plane's tempestuous climate.
10. The adrenaline rush of running from one gate to another and the resulting triumphant joy of making the connection or the crushing blow of defeat upon missing it by mere seconds.
11. The disturbing, yet satisfyingly mischievous feeling of realizing you got tweezers/razor/matches/5+ oz of liquid through security.
12. People stopping in the middle of the terminal thoroughfare. Think of it like an interstate. Do you just stop in the middle of I-95 when everyone else around you is going 80? No. Don't do it in the middle of Terminal B either. As previously mentioned, frustrated travelers are literally propelling themselves toward their gate, in very tall and uncomfortable, but very cute shoes, dragging a "carry on," that they weren't actually allowed to carry on, smelling like second-hand tequila sweat, pissed that the moving sidewalk isn't moving and they will run you over. And by they, I mean me. Just test me.

Happy Flying!